


Seven Devils

by RacingHeart



Category: Political RPF
Genre: Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Scandal, Seduction, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:07:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9167638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart
Summary: The Clinton's are neck deep in chaos. They must decide rather they can swim their way out of misery or drown in the muddy waters.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay here's the beginning. It's dark and dirty. Uncharted territory. Complete fiction. We all know they're going to come out on top, it's just the journey of getting there. Not sure how long this will be. I just know it's going to be longer than a chapter or two. Not comfortable, do not proceed. Timeline wise let's put this at '95

Seven Devils

 

 

_And now all your love will be exorcised_

_And we will find you saying it's to be better now_

_And it's an even sum_

_It's a melody_

_It's a battle cry_

_It's a symphony_

 

She had a fondness for amber colored liquid. The smell that flooded her senses as she raised the glass to her lips, the taste as it hit her tongue, and the burn down the back of her throat as she swallowed the contents. And let’s not forget about the numbness that lingered after one too many drinks. Just like her husband. Impeccably sweet, incredibly addictive, and burning that always left her wanting more. Not to forget numbing pain of his lies and subsequent apologizes.

And whilst it was true that there had been women, more than she cared to count, there had been men too. Not nearly as many, perhaps not enough to start a huge scandal equivalent to his, but men nevertheless. In all of his faults he had never been as weak and as stupid as she had been. Falling so deeply for someone else. And that kind of scandal was bigger than anything he could have ever had entangled himself in.

Sex scandals were one thing, love affairs were something entirely different. It was true he had been in places he shouldn’t have been, with women he shouldn’t have been with. But it was the thrill of sex and nothing more. In her case, she was not only where she shouldn’t have been, but her heart was wrapped up in it as well. Emotions, not only her body driving her thoughts. And that was far more dangerous than just sex.

The fallout would be incredible. It would test every last bit of their resolve. Tit for tat was no longer attainable. It was all or nothing now. And they would have to fight with everything they had to clean the mess up. To lick their wounds and move forward with their lives.

They were encased in chaos. A dead lover. A curvy young intern. A devastating pregnancy. An even more devastating miscarriage. They were no longer in between a rock and a hard place. They were sprawled out on rock bottom and they would have to claw their way out. All without the prying eyes of the press and the public waiting for them to stumble, waiting for them to fall, waiting for them to crash and finally, finally, burn.

 

 

tbc...


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is short. I struggled quite a bit. I know where I want to go I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to get there. That and the orange cheeto and his minions are severely pissing me off.

Seven Devils

 

Holy water cannot help you now  
Thousand armies couldn't keep me out  
I don't want your money  
I don't want your crown  
See I've come to burn your kingdom down

 

Bill stood over his wife. She was slumped over the toilet, her face flushed, her throat raw, her eyes watering from the strain of emptying her stomach for at least the third time in less than five minutes. 

“Are you going to answer me?” his voice was loud and it only intensified the throbbing in her head. “Where were you?”

“Bill, please, stop yelling.” she begged. 

“I will when you answer me!” he bellowed even louder than before. “You ditched Secret Service and then you come back home at daybreak hungover and puking. I damn well deserve to know where you’ve been.”

She lifted her head to look up at him. “Out.”

“That’s all I’m going to get?”

Her whole body raged at her and she leaned back over the toilet, resting her head on her arm. “It’s all you fucking deserve.”

He resisted the urge to punch something. Anything. “Do not ditch them again!”

Hillary had been on a rampage since his latest fuck up. At first it was just throwing things and screaming. Then it evolved into heavy drinking. And now apparently into revenge. “Don’t you have an intern to fuck?”

He knelt next to her, grabbing a first full of blonde hair and roughly pulling back. She cried out in pain and surprise. “I mean it, Hillary.”

“Or you’ll what?” her eyes threatened to set him on fire. He looked away defeated, his hold on her released. “I didn’t think so.”

Tears swelled up in his eyes. “Where were you?” his voice broke. Thick with emotion and fear.

“With a friend.”

She was lying. He knew she was. “Bullshit.” He threw his hands up in the air and walked out of the bathroom. 

Hillary scoffed. Oh, how the tides had turned. She had taken his bullshit for so, so long. But now that the shoe was on the other foot, Bill was suddenly the victim. “Lance sends his best.” she called out after him. Knowing it would crush him. Make him doubt absolutely everything. 

He was in the threshold of the door when her words stopped him in his tracks. Knocking the air right out of his lungs. That was a name he had never wanted to hear from her lips ever again. She had promised him. Promised him that it was over. That she would never see him again. 

Bill had caught them. He had unexpectedly come home early from a meeting in the middle of the day. The idea of surprising her with flowers. A peace offering for his latest transgression. And there they were in her study. It wasn’t even the fucking that made his stomach lurch. It was the soft words that they had exchanged. The words she was only supposed to say to him, her husband, the love of her life. 

The affair was off and on for years. And at the height of it he truly feared that she would leave him for Lance Forrester. Bill turned back to look at her. “Why him?” 

“Because I knew it would hurt you the most.”

Lance was a fellow attorney she had worked with in Arkansas, originally from Pennsylvania. A sought-after bachelor. Tall, blond, and devilishly handsome. He held a sophisticated charm that wasn’t lost on her. He was everything Bill wasn’t. Everything Hillary deserved in a man. And that’s what scared him the most. 

Self-destruction was Bill’s specialty. Whenever he hit the gutter he took her down right with him. Usually kicking and screaming and throw things all the way down. As much as he wanted to protest, to rake her over the coals, he couldn’t. He had brought her here to this place of pain and torture and self-loathing. He only hoped he could pull her out of it before she hurt herself too much.

“Please don’t do this, Hillary.”

“Fuck you.”

Bill left her in the bathroom and made his way into their bedroom. His felt as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest. When he found out that Hillary had left he had prayed that she went to see Nancy or Tipper of even Harry Reid. But when he found out Secret Service didn’t go with her he knew that she was off to self-destruct. She was damn good at it too. After All she had learned from the best. From him. 

He thought about tracking Lance down. Threatening him. Punching him in the face. That would only make things worse though. Make Hillary more determined in her quest. He wanted to help ease the blow because when she crashed from her high it would hurt and far worse than it had before. 

Yes, he had fucked up. Royally. He had hurt those he loved most. He had disappointed them. Disappointed himself. He knew that she was trying to prove something. To him, To herself. Because Hillary was paying the ultimate price. She always did. 

He was afraid that this time after the battle was fought that she wouldn’t have the strength to get back up. That was his ultimate fear, that he had truly destroyed her. The person he loved most. 

tbc…


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback and kudos. Delving slowly in this chapter. We hit an explosion in the next one.

Seven Devils

 

**_Holy water cannot help you now_ **  
**_See I've had to burn your kingdom down_ **  
**_And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out_ **  
**_I'm gonna raise the stakes, I'm gonna smoke you out_ **

 

Professionally she had it all together. She was focused and dedicated and as involved as she could be. Everything the first lady was supposed to be. She led her staff with great care and respect. She had played this game long enough to know that personal feelings and issues needed to remain private. A difficult balance, but one she prided herself on.

Personally, she as a mess. It had been almost two months since her rampage had begun, she felt herself slipping further and further but she couldn’t stop it. She had gotten completely sucked in to the chaos and she couldn’t see her way out of it. The more she spun out of control, the more she craved.

She left the White House at every night after Chelsea went to bed and returned every morning around sunrise. She had yet to be caught and Bill had learned to turn his head the opposite direction. At first, he had begged and pleaded with her, but it only seemed to make matters worse. Instead he covered for her, protected her, made excuses, and gave explanations. Knowing all along that he was doing her no favors. Every night he prayed that she would come to her senses. That he could reach her. And every morning he lost hope upon encountering her.

Bill felt personally responsible and he knew he had to intervene somehow. He tried to talk to Tipper but she shut him out completely. Told him she wanted no part of helping him fix his mistakes. So, he tried his luck with Nancy Pelosi.

“What can I do for you, Mr. President?”

He sat down across from her desk. “I’m not here in a professional manner.”

Nancy nodded. “I see.”

“I need help with Hillary.” he confessed. “She’s spiraling and I don’t know how to fix it.”

She sat back in her chair, crossed her arms. “I guess you should have thought about that before you fucked around with…an intern.” she couldn’t even bring herself to say the name. “Frankly, I think you’re getting exactly what you deserve, Bill.”

“I know that. I’m just trying to stop her from making a huge mistake. I’ve never quite seen her like this. I’m scared, Nancy.”

Nancy took a deep breath. “I’ll talk to Hillary.” she told him. “But not on your behalf.”

“I understand your resentment.”

“I really don’t think you do, Bill.” she leaned across her desk. “I know about Lance. And I know about what happened in Arkansas. I think you may have pushed her right into his arms.”

“I cannot lose her.”

“You may already have.” she said, honestly.

/////

Lance poured himself a glass of scotch. And then one for Hillary. When he opened his door to her a few weeks ago he was surprised. After they ended things in Arkansas he never expected their paths to cross again. But then Bill had run for President and won. And suddenly he wasn’t all that far from her anymore.

He wasn’t sure to expect. And so he didn’t expect anything from her. It was best that way. She would probably return to Bill anyway, she always did. But he loved her. Loved her then and loved her now. He could never say no to her.

“Here you go, babe.” he handed her a glass before sitting down beside her.

“Thank you.” Amber liquid slid down her throat with a tingling burn. “When do you leave for your meeting?”

“Mid-morning.” he told her. “You should come.”

“I wish I could.”

Their entire relationship had been hidden behind closed doors, secret glances, stolen moments. Hillary didn’t even know if they could survive being a couple. But that was the furthest thing from her mind. Drowning her sorrows and smothering her pain was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

He leaned over and placed a soft kiss against her lips. His weakness got the best of him. “Leave him.”

Somehow the thought had never crossed her mind. Sure, she had sought him out for comfort and as much as she hated to admit mostly for revenge. But the thought of actually leaving Bill was never in the equation. She just wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her. Worse than he had hurt her.

Lance pulled back and shook his head. “Nothing’s changed has it, Hillary?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always going to stand by him, aren’t you?”

She looked down into the liquor in her glass. “I’m certainly not in the position to make any sort of life decisions right now, Lance.” she told him. “It’s too fresh, I’m too angry.”

“My offer still stands.” he told her. “Just like in Arkansas.”

Had she left Bill in Arkansas she wouldn’t have had to face his latest line of bullshit. Had she left Bill in Arkansas he may have never been President. All the change they worked for would have never seen the light of day. They had fought hard, side by side, for years and she couldn’t imagine not continuing their work in the future.

“Can’t we just enjoy the right now?” she moved closer to him and into his arms. “I don’t want to think about the past or the future.”

His lips covered hers, engaging her in a soft kiss. “I just want to make you happy.”

“I’m happy right now.” she snuggled down against him, her head on his chest. “I feel safe here with you.” the steady beating of his heart filled her ears. “Just hold me.”

Lance dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. “If I could take all this away for you, I would.”

There was always something so comforting about being in his arms. Maybe because he had never hurt her in the way Bill had. “I know.”  
He was the perfect completion to her. Smart, witty, ambitious. They were from the same side of the tracks. They connected on every level. But she could never love him the way she loved Bill. She could leave her marriage and be with Lance even knowing that her heart would never get broken again. She would never love him the way she loved Bill. So wholly and completely that he could ruin her entire world.

////

Nancy closed the office door behind herself. “You’re a difficult woman to track down these days.”

“I’ve been incredibly busy.” she replied. “The republicans live to make my life hell.”

She smiled. “That’s their job.” she sat down on the cream-colored sofa. “They get so bent out of shape when we present silly little things like facts and figures.”

Hillary laughed as she got up from her desk and came over to the sitting area. “Just think how wonderful the country would be if we converted them all.” she said. “Coffee? Tea?” she offered.

“No thank you.” she replied. “I can’t stay long. I just wanted to stop by and check on you. How are you?”

“Fine.”

Nancy shook her head. “Bullshit.” she countered. “How are you?”

Hillary slumped back against the couch. “A mess.” she said, honestly. “Everything has been so intense, so raw. It’s like I’m looking down on myself, seeing all the shit that’s going on, but I’m paralyzed to stop it. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to land.”

“What do you want out of this?”

“I don’t even know anymore.” she admitted. “I just don’t know how to stop it.”

“Bill came to see me.” she told him. “He’s incredibly worried.”

“What did you say to him?”

Nancy shrugged. “Told him he deserved it. Because I really think he does.” she was always painfully honest. “I’m not concerned about him. I’m concerned about you. Tell me what you need, Hillary. I’ll help you anyway I can, you know that.”

“I don’t even know where to start, Nancy.”

“Do you love Lance?”

She took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. “Yes.” she replied. “I think that he could be enough for me.”

“And Bill?”

“God, more than anything in the entire world.” she confessed what they both already knew. “Too much has happened and I don’t know if we can put the pieces back together. I don’t know if it’s worth it at this point.”

tbc….


	4. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was wrong Hillary's bombshell is in the next chapter. Unless you all want some hot angry sex then that can be the next chapter. I'm good either way.

Seven Devils

 

The door cracked as she made her way into the master suite through the private hall. It was nearly six in the morning and she needed to shower before Chelsea woke up and got ready for school. They always had breakfast together as a family no matter what was going on elsewhere. 

Before she could close the bathroom door behind her Bill pushed the door open and let himself in. He closed it and locked it behind her.

Hillary arched an intimating eyebrow. “What do you think you’re doing?”

He leaned up against the door, blocking a suspected exit on her part. “Where have you been?”

“Out.” she gave a one word answer for almost everything. 

“That’s still not good enough for me.”

“Well, it’s going to have to be.” she replied. “Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to take a shower.”

“Go ahead.”

“That’s your cue to leave.” 

Bill shook his head. “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.”

“Why can’t you just leave me the hell alone?” she asked. “Is that really too much to ask?” 

“You’re my wife.”

“Funny how you can remember that now, but not when your little intern was on her knees for you.”

That one he deserved. “I fucked up, I know I did.”

“Yes, you did.” she agreed. “And now that we’ve established that, again, maybe you could leave me to my shower.”

“I never actually had sex with her, you know that right?”

Oh, the gall of this man. “Anytime your dick is where it shouldn’t be its cheating, Bill.” she snapped. “At least in most people’s eyes. Certainly in mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So you keep saying.”

The tears started swelling up in his eyes. “Hillary, I…”

“Enough with the fucking guilt.” she told him. “That shit may have worked on your mother, but not on me.”

Bill was silent.

Hillary turned the shower on and began to undress. “I was really hoping I could be spared the humiliation of a sex scandal whilst I was First Lady. I guess that was just too much to ask for.”

“The press doesn’t know.”'

“Yeah, for now.” she unhooked her bra and then stepped out of her panties. “But when they find out there’s going to be a huge fallout. You know it and I know it.”

His eyes raked up and down every inch of her body. Cataloguing it and comparing it to the last time he had laid eyes on her naked. There was a small mark on her shoulder and when he saw it his blood raced, his emotions raged. He reached out to touch the mark.

“Get your hands off me!” she snapped. 

“So he can touch you but I can’t?”

Hillary turned around to face him. “Yeah, pretty much.” she told him. “You lost that right months ago. If you don’t mind, I’d like to shower in peace.”

“I don’t like the idea of his hands on you.” he told her. “You touching him.”

“Well, I do.” she replied. “I rather like the fact that I don’t have to wonder where he’s been or who he’s been fucking behind my back.”

/////

Hillary took a long, hot shower, letting the water massage her back and shoulders. All the thoughts of Bill and Monica and Lance left her thoughts and for a moment she just existed. She was going to focus on being Chelsea’s mother for the next few hours and then First Lady of the United States.

She towel dried her hair and then headed for the bedroom, wrapped in a towel. There she found Bill sitting up against the headboard, waiting for her. She let out an exasperated sigh. “What are you doing in here?” she asked. “Because if it’s trying to make my life a living hell you’re succeeding greatly.”

Bill had enough, he stood up to full height. “You want a divorce?”

Hillary fell silent. She cast her eyes away from him. 

He grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him. “Do you want a divorce?”

Her eyes betrayed her. There was no use. Her emotions played on her face. Vulnerability flashed. She felt weak, her guard down, her reflexes shot.

“Stop seeing him.” his voice broke. “You’ve proven your point, you’ve gotten even. Let’s just pick up the pieces and move on.”

“I love him.” she pulled away from him.

Bill struggled with his emotions. “You don’t.” he challenged. “You love the idea of him, but you don’t actually love him.”

“I loved him then and I love him now.” she knew she was pushing him, but she didn’t seem to care. She wanted him to hurt him, she wanted him to feel as much pain as she did. “I want to be with Lance.”

These were words that he had heard before. One hot summer’s night in Arkansas she had come home slightly tipsy from an event and spilled everything to him about the affair. Told him how much she loved Lance and wanted to be with only him. He cried and begged and pleaded. Made empty promises and even emptier threats. And when the sun rose over their bare bodies the next morning all was forgotten. Including the promises. 

His blood ran hot. “No.” he told her. “You’re angry and you’re hurt but you still love me, I know you do.”

“I can live without you.” she didn’t know if she was trying to convince him or herself. “You’ll fall apart without me. You always do.”

“Enough!” the loudness of his voice startled her slightly. “I’m not doing this with you.” his hands enveloped her wrists, stilling her movement. “Tell me you don’t love me then.” When she squirmed, his grip grew tighter. “Tell me, Hillary.”

Her eyes searched his, her mouth opened but no words came out. Maybe she was all bark and no bite. “I don’t love you.” she nearly choked on the words. 

Bill pushed her backward and she fell onto the bed. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm his temper. Hot tears stung his eyes. He doubled over, letting out a gut-wrenching sob. 

The sobriety of the moment hit her hard. She had witnessed his crying and outbursts before but this one felt different. Raw and painful. A line had been crossed. She immediately reached out for him. “Bill? and when he didn’t answer, didn’t slide his hand in hers she got up and went to him. “Bill.”

“Don’t.” he said, hands on his knees, taking deep breaths. 

“Come here.” she whispered. “I didn’t mean it, come here. I’m sorry.” she reached out for him, but he pushed her way from him. 

He rose to full height. “Don’t.”

“Bill, I’m…”

“Save it!” he snapped. “If that’s the way you feel then don’t even bother coming home tonight. Just stay with Lance.” 

 

Tbc…


	5. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay angry sex as requested. And as a bit of a peace offering because you're going to hate me after the next chapter. Oh but the emotional treasure trove it will bring.

Seven Devils

 

**_Seven devils all around me!_ **  
**_Seven devils in my house!_ **  
**_See they were there when I woke up this morning_ **  
**_I'll be dead before the day is done_ **

 

The dresses on the rack were carefully eyed and then pushed to the side. Tonight nothing seemed to please her. She took another drink of red wine. Maybe she was overthinking it. Bill had forced her into a formal dinner party with some of his cabinet members and their spouses.

Bill was raking through his shirts. “What color are you going to wear?”

Her hand lingered over a red number. “I don’t know.”

“Well could you pick one?”

She exhaled heavily. “Well, what do you prefer semen blue or slut red?”

“How about black?” he suggested. “Symbolic don’t you think?”

Hillary downed the rest of her wine. “Black it is.” she sat the glass down on the nearest surface. “How long is this going to last?”

“As long as it takes."

“I made plans.”

“I really don’t give a fuck if you made plans or not.” he told her. “You’ll stay here until your duties are complete.”

“Fine.” she said. “I’ll just call Lance and tell him I’ll be late.”

His temper flared. “Absolutely not.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ll call him and tell him you’re not coming.” his anger bled into his words. “You’re staying here tonight.”

“I don’t take orders.” she snapped. “Especially from you.”

He grabbed her by the arm, pulling her around to face him. “I said you’re staying here tonight and that’s final.”

“I don’t know who the hell you think you are…”

“I’m your husband in case you’ve forgotten.” he pulled her toward him. “I’m also your President. And tonight, you’re going to be here as my wife and the First Lady of the country without worrying about hoping into bed with Lance Forrester!”

Hillary tried to twist away from him. “Let me go!”

“You’re staying here!”

“Like hell I am.” she ripped her arm away from him and turned to leave the closet. “Entertain your guests without me.”

His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her backside flush against him. “I’m not going to ask you again.” his breath was warm as it sailed over her ear and face, settling right between her thighs.

“Bill.” she squirmed.

His hand splayed across her stomach, holding her still. Holding her against him. His opposite hand slid up her neck to her jaw, she gasped at his movements and he took advantage, his open mouth connecting with hers. His tongue touched against hers tangling together, his teeth pulling at her lips, kissing her to the point of breathlessness.

He finally released his grip on her. “Get dressed.” he told her. “Dinner is at eight.”

Hillary turned to face him, fire burned in her eyes. “Don’t ever do that again.”

“Do what?” he asked. “Kiss my wife?” he closed in the space between them, walking them backwards a bit. “I’m sick of playing games with you, Hillary.”

“Oh, but you’re so good at them, Bill.”

He took a final step forward, pushing her roughly against the wall. Her hands moved to push him away but he grabbed them, pinning her wrists to the wall. Her eyes went from his eyes to his lips and back up again. His mouth was on hers in a matter of moments plundering her warm, wet mouth with his, tongues and lips colliding with great fervor. Emotions on every level pouring into their kiss.

Hillary finally succeeded at twisting her wrists from his grasp. She used what little strength she had to shove him away from her. Suddenly the room was a million degrees. They struggled to even breathe. Struggled even harder to process thought.

“Baby…” he tried to reason with her, perhaps apologize.

“Shut up.”

Her hands tore at his shirt, popping buttons as she pulled the fabric apart and pushed it from his arms. Her hands went for his belt, undoing it and quickly pulling it from this pants, discarding it on the floor. Her breaths came in quick spurts, heavy and uneven.

When she went for the buttons of his trousers he stopped her, pushing her hands away. His hands grabbed her face and his open mouth met hers again, kissing to the point where their lungs screamed for air. Their bodies screamed for release. Their minds completely shut off to thought or consequence.

He turned her back to him, unzipping her dress and tugging off her body leaving her in light pink lace. His hands went for her bra, unclasping the eyelets and stripping it from her body. He squeezed her breasts before traveling down further, ripping lace apart with his strong hands.

She was naked before him. Body flushed, lips swollen, hair tousled. Once again, she reached for his pants and this time he didn’t stop her. She pushed them, along with his boxers, down his thighs and he stepped out of them.

“Come here.” he pulled her back up to him, lifting her up into his arms, her legs instantly wrapping tightly around his waist. He pinned her to the wall with his weight. He dipped his head, swirling his tongue around a hardened dark nipple before pulling it into his warm mouth. Her back arched up off the wall and her hands threaded into his thick hair.

“Bill.” she whimpered.

His mouth moved to the opposite breast, his teeth scraping against the nipple. Her hips pushed against him, her center wet and hot and wanting. Begging him to sink himself inside of her. His body reacted to hers, throbbing in anticipation. Neither one of them could stand it any longer. He released her nipple and raised his head to look at her. Their eyes locked together as he sank himself into tight silky heat. Mingled moans echoed, exploding off the walls.

Movement was slow at first, growing stronger and steadier as they found a scorching pace. With every thrust into her body her hips bucked against his, rocking in a frantic rhythm, pulling him even deeper inside of her. It was perfect. Hot, dirty, angry, fucked up perfection.

“You feel so…fucking…amazing.” he managed. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“Don’t stop!”

It was all too much, he didn’t know how much more he could take. His hand gripped her hips, pulling her in tighter. Her name was a breath echoed from his lips. His thrusts grew more erratic, her hips slapping tandem with his.

“Harder.” she commanded. “So…close.”

That’s all he need. Short, hard, fasts strokes, a thumb pressed to her swollen, slippery clit. She threw her head back against the wall as she felt herself coming undone.

“Look at me.” he breathed out. “I want to see you.”

Her eyes locked with his and he pushed into her, deep and hard. Everything shattered between them. Her body rushed with explosion, blinding white heat flooded her senses, her release robbing her of what little breath she had left. Her body almost violently squeezed his, triggering him to release into her hot and thick with a deep groan.

And for the longest time they didn’t move. Couldn’t move. Everything was too much between them. Their breath settled, heavily, but settled.

Her thighs ached. “I don’t think I can…”

His hands came under her thighs, lifting her to him and away from the wall. He carried her over to the large round ottoman. He took a shaky breath and then disconnected their bodies before lowering her down. She grabbed up her robe off the other side of the ottoman holding it tightly against her. Trying and failing to comprehend what happen just happened between them. And that’s when the tears began to fall.

Bill heard the soft sobbing and turned back around to face her. “Hillary?” he said, softly. “What’s wrong?” he knelt in front of her. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” his voice filled with concern. “Baby?”

“Just go.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.” he tilted her chin up, forcing her eyes to his. “Please?”

She took a deep breath and pushed his hand away. She rose to her feet, praying her legs would hold her. “I need a shower.”

Bill stood up, wanting so bad to go after her. He stood in the doorway and watched as she headed toward the bathroom. And when he heard the door latch behind her he drove his fist into the wall. “Fuck!”

 

 

tbc….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone please write a fic using Mackelmore's Wednesday Morning? I can't seem to be able to do it. Every time I think about that Wednesday and look at my daughters it breaks my heart and nothing comes out on my keyboard. But i would love to read it.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Don't hate me. It's not the end. I was reading the HRC stories over on Tumblr. There was one about her being small and I can totally confirm that. In October right after the first debate my husband and I drove our 7 year old daughter down to NC to a rally. Kind of a spur of the moment road trip. Because what's 5 hours for HRC, right? We didn't get to meet her but got about six feet from her and she's so small. On TV she looks larger than life. She's even more beautiful in person. Oh I had such hope back then. Today not so much. I feel like I should get my passport in order. 
> 
> Anyway don't hate me, I'll make it better.

Seven Devils

 

The rise and fall of his chest was soothing. Comforting in the chaos that she had sheathed herself in. Her hand on his chest assured her how steadily his heart was beating. And she just sat on the floor, head bent in an almost prayer like gesture. He was warm to the touch and oh-so peaceful in his slumber. As much as she didn’t want to wake him she knew she had no choice. 

“Bill.” she whispered softly, almost praying that he wouldn’t hear her. That she couldn’t rouse him. 

“Mmm, Hillary.” he mumbled. “Something wrong?” They hadn’t really had any interaction for the past week. Not since the night of the dinner party.

“Yes.” It came out as a cry even though she hadn’t meant it to. 

Bill was suddenly awake, sitting up on the sofa. “What is it, what happened?” he turned on the lamp, his eyes raking over her. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head almost violently. There were tear tracks down her face, her eyes were red and swollen. Eye makeup smudged, what wasn’t cried off. 

“Come here.” he reached down to her and she snatched away from him. 

“No.” her voice was broken.

Bill ran his hand through his hair, his heart was thumping in his chest. “Hillary, what’s going on?” he asked. “Please tell me.”

Her eyes closed tightly, fresh hot tears ran down her face. “I’ve fucked up, Bill.” she confessed. “It’s really bad and I don’t know how to fix it.”

He moved to sit down on the floor beside her. “Look at me.” he said. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“I can’t.”

“We’ll fix it.” he assured her. “We’ll fix it together, I know we can.” he was almost positive that he had never seen her so broken before. So completely and utterly hopeless. “Please, Hillary.” he reached out for her hand. “Just tell me.”

Her blue eyes met his and she took a ragged breath to prepare herself. She had only said these precious words once before and they were under much, much different circumstances. “I’m pregnant.”

Bill couldn’t breathe. His lungs wouldn’t open to let air in and he found himself suffocating in his own head. His mind screamed at him, his body went numb.

She turned her head to the side, she couldn’t bear looking him in the eye. It was as though the last bit of connection between them had been shattered. They were nothing but ashes now.

“Does he know?” he asked when he found his voice. “Have you told him?”

A shake of the head confirmed what he had suspected. “You’re the only one I’ve told.”

He swallowed. Hard. Hoping to swallow down some of the pain and devastation. But it was too much and he choked on his own sobs. 

“I didn’t do this on purpose.” she started to try and rationalize it. “I didn’t even know it was possible. We almost always used a condom.”

“Almost.” he shook his head. “God, Hillary.” She had pushed him into having a vasectomy in the mid-eighties. Telling him the cheating she could barely withstand. A child with someone else would kill her. He agreed. He was willing to give her that much. Now she had done the one thing she had always feared he would do to her. 

“I have to tell him.”

“You don’t have to tell him.”

Hillary wasn’t quite sure at what he was suggesting. “He deserves to know.”

“We can raise it.”

His words broke her heart. The whole ‘we’ wasn’t even a tangible scenario anymore. It was a distant past. “I can’t ask you to do that, Bill.”

“You didn’t ask.”

“No.” she said, firmly. “You would resent me and then the baby. There’s no way in hell I would ever put you through that.”

“I’m the President, you’re the First Lady, we have a duty to the American people.” he tried to reason with her. “They’ll rip you apart otherwise.”

“It’s not like I wouldn’t deserve it.” she replied. “I’ve been self-destructing for months, it’s only fitting.”

“What do you suggest we do?”

“Divorce.” she said, softly. “You can create a diversion of sorts and I can slip away quietly. Please, Bill?”

His heart was incredibly heavy. Anger raged inside of him. He didn’t know who he was more upset at, himself for leading her to this point, or her for being so careless. He knew that things would never be the same between them. “Are you leaving me for him?”

“I’ve made my bed I may as well lie in it.” she replied. “I’ve made such a mess of things. And Chelsea, I have to face her.”

“No.” Bill said, firmly. “I can’t let you do this.”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“No, the right thing to do was for me not to cheat in the first place. I put all of this into motion. I’ll be the one to take responsibility, not you.” he would not see his wife diminished in their daughter’s eyes. Not when Hillary had spent years protecting Chelsea from all the stupid things he had done. 

“When Lance finds out he’ll know the baby is his.” she tried to reason with him. “I don’t know if I could keep him away.”

“The only other option here is an abortion.”

Silence hung thickly between them. They were rational people. Facts and figures people. “I can’t.” Hillary finally said. “I just can’t.”

“Then we lie.” he told her. “We lie to everyone and hope like hell we don’t get caught.”

“That’s a terrible idea.”

“It’s the only one that we’ve got.”

“I’m sorry.” the heavy words slipped off her lips. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen.”

It was her apology that made him realize that sometimes words were truly only words no matter how much you meant them. And he was sure that she did. Just like he did when he said them to her so many times in the past. In the moment though they didn’t mean anything to him. Nothing but time could dissipate the betrayal and even then, he wasn’t so sure. He couldn’t even fathom how she had forgiven him so many times because he wasn’t so sure he could ever forget how he felt when she uttered those words to him. He would carry it with him for the rest of his life. 

“How far along?"

“Seven weeks.” she said. “There’s a heartbeat.”

Bill nodded. He didn’t know if he had the strength to get through this. He didn’t even know if she did and she was always the strong one. 

“Well, baby, we’ve really done it this time.” he exhaled heavily. “I don’t know if we can come back from this.”

“Me either.” She was defeated, completely and utterly defeated. 

He wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. It was if though they were clinging to each other in deep water, neither of them knowing how to swim. Both sinking into the unknown, but sinking together nevertheless. 

 

tbc…


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly filler. Next few chapters are meatier and emotional.

Seven Devils

 

Bill pressed a cool cloth to her forehead. Hillary had slumped back against the bathroom wall. Pregnancy hormones were ravaging her body. She was sure she had never been so sick in her entire life. There was something about hitting that eight week mark that made everything so real. The constant nausea and the throwing up, the lightheadedness, the dizziness. She seemed to be experiencing every single pregnancy symptom ever known. 

“Thank you.” her voice was hoarse, her throat raw and burning. 

He refolded the washcloth and placed it on the back of her neck. “Feeling better?” 

“God, no.” she sighed. “I feel like I’m on a fucking carousel.”

He brushed her hair damp back from her forehead. “Can I get you anything?”

“No.” she replied. “I just want to die in peace.”

“Maybe we should see your doctor.”

“This is perfectly normal, Bill.” she assured him. “I’m just too old for this shit.”

“Have you told Lance?” he took her silence as an answer. “You know you don’t have to tell him. We can make it work in our favor.”

Hillary still couldn’t bring herself to tell Lance about the pregnancy. Something about saying the words to him would make it all too real. She wanted to live in her bubble just a little while longer. Hold on to what was left of her pride and her dignity. She could see the headlines now. Cheating First Lady Pregnant with Lover’s Baby. And perhaps they wouldn’t even be that kind. 

“I have to be honest with him.” she told him. “I couldn’t live with myself I wasn’t.”

“Do you love him?” he had asked this question before, but now everything was different. They had both been completely stripped down. Ego and bravado were gone. 

“I don’t know.” she replied. “I mean I do love him, it’s just different from the way I thought. I’ve made a huge mess out of everything.”

“We.” he reminded her. “This is our mess.”

/////

“Pregnant.” Lance repeated. “Are you sure?” he ran his hand through graying blond locks. “Absolutely sure?”

Hillary bit down on her bottom lip and nodded.

Lance took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “We were safe. I wasn’t aware this was a possibility.”

“I didn’t think it was.” she replied. “I’m forty-seven. And we weren’t always safe, Lance.”

“One or two times.”

Hillary bit back a laugh of irony. “Well once is all it takes.” she replied. “And as two ivy league educated attorneys you think we would both know that.”

“Could it be his?”

His? His as in her husband? He had seriously just asked that question. “No.” she replied. “It cannot be Bill’s.” she replied. “Given the timeline you’re the only option.”

Lance nodded as he tried to absorb the information. “So, what are we going to do?”

“Well, I’m going to have a baby.” her voice was firm, her emotions even. “The question is what do you want?”

“How is this even going to work, Hillary?” he asked. “Are you going to leave Bill?”

“I haven’t thought that far.”

Lance scoffed. “My child is growing inside of you and you still won’t walk away from him.”

“It’s not that easy, Lance.”

“Oh, but it is, Hillary.” he countered. “If you really wanted to be here with me, if he really hurt you as badly as you say then it would be that easy. This baby would cement the fact.”

“Bill is the President.”  
“And I’m the father of your child.” he argued. “Or are you hoping that I’ll just disappear into the night? A pregnant First Lady would generate so much love for the First Family. He or she would be America’s baby.”

“Stop!” she demanded. “Just stop.”

“You obviously have already made up your mind.”

“I haven’t made any decisions.” she replied. “I thought we were both mature enough to figure this out together.”

Lance took a deep breath to steady himself. He was taking the wrong approach. “Come here.” he cupped her face in his hands. “I’m sorry. All of this has just caught me off guard.”

She was on the verge of tears. “How do you think I feel?”

“I know, honey.” his words were softer and Hillary relaxed. “I know these past few months have been hard and fast. I think we just need a break for a while.”

“I don’t know if I can get away, Lance.”

“I meant me.” he clarified. “I need time to think.”

Hillary pulled away. “I see.”

He reached out for her. “I didn’t mean it like that.” he said. “This is a huge deal. There’s a lot to think about. Bill is the President and you are the First Lady. This is complicated and there are a lot of things we need to take into consideration.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Lance.” she sighed. “But if you need time…”

“It’s just for a few days, Hillary.” he pressed a kiss to her temple. “I love you.”

She couldn’t even bring herself to say it back. She didn’t know exactly what she was expecting when she told him, she just knew this wasn’t it. Anger, fear, support, but not abandonment. 

/////

Bill had tried all afternoon to focus his attention on the work in front of him but he couldn’t. Ever since Hillary had come and told him that Lance had taken off to Pennsylvania to think things over his temper had flared and he had been distracted ever since. 

He wanted to fix this for her, fix everything. But he understood that she had to figure things out on her own. With the child’s father. He just prayed that everything would work out. That they could miraculously find their way back together despite absolutely everything that had happened between them.

There was a knock on his office door and his vice president made his way inside. “Have you seen the news?”

“No.” he replied. “What’s happened?”

“A private plane carrying Lance Forrester crashed right outside of Lancaster.” Al told him. “He was killed instantly.”

Bill stood up so fast that his heavy office chair collapsed to the floor. “Hillary.” he choked out. 

“What?”

“Hillary.” he said. “I need to find her.”

Al was confused at what he was rattling on about. “She’s down in Hillaryland. I saw her about an hour ago.”

He quickly left the Oval and headed directly to find his wife. He tried her office first and when he didn’t find her he burst into the conference room. All eyes snapped up and everyone was quickly on their feet except for Hillary. 

“Bill?” panic reverberating throughout her voice. “What’s wrong?”

He was at her side in three strides. “Come on.” he held his hand out to her and the moment she grasped it he pulled her to her feet. He led her out of the room and toward the residence. 

“Bill, I don’t understand.” she said. “What is it?”

“I can’t tell you here.” he continued to walked her toward the stairs. “Just trust me.”

Once they were upstairs he took her into the master bedroom and closed the door shut behind them. “Will you please tell me what’s going on?”

“There’s been an accident.” his voice was soft, delicate. “Lance’s plane crashed right outside of Lancaster.”

Hillary’s eyes grew wide. “How bad is it?”

Bill simply shook his head. “I’m sorry, Hillary.” he said, softly. “He didn’t make it.”

He caught her right before she hit the floor. 

tbc…


	8. Chapter 7

Seven Devils

 

Sleep came in spurts. Heavy eyelids drooping closed, finding a relaxed state only for her mind to torture her with memories of the past. Heartbreak of the present. And empty promises of the future.

_It had been raining for nine straight days. At this point she was struggling to remember what the sunshine felt like on her face, the way if warmed up the room as it filtered through the curtains. Her mood was cold and somber. Bill was away at a conference and Chelsea was spending the weekend with her grandparents._

_She was alone with her thoughts. Bill had apparently been on the prowl again and as much as she tried to block it out of her mind and go on she couldn’t. Being trapped within the walls of the Governor’s Mansion did terrible things to her mind. She had too much time to think. And if she thought hard enough she would go upstairs and pack her things._

_It was almost six in the evening when a staffer had told her of Mr. Forrester’s arrival. He entered the private library dressed in a freshly pressed suit, his tie the perfect shade of blue to compliment her eyes._

_“Oh no, my darling Hillary, this will not do.” he admonished, playfully. “We can’t go out with you in flannel pajamas.”_

_An eyebrow arched. “Go out?”_

_He took the book out of her hands, closed it, and laid it on the table beside her. He took both of her hands in his and pulled her to her feet. “I’m taking you to dinner.” he told her. “Go upstairs and change.”_

_“I’m really not in the mood, Lance.”_

_“Even more reason to go.” he insisted. “Now upstairs and change. I’m giving you exactly twenty minutes before I come up after you.”_

_She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, all the way up to her eyes. “If you insist.”_

_And that was the beginning of everything. That one rainy Arkansas night where she was able to find just a little peek of sunshine despite the storm she and Bill were trapped in the middle of._

/////

_She had cried the very first time that they made love, not just because of her unfaithfulness to Bill, but because of the emotions he stirred up inside of her. Something she never expected._

_“Are you okay?” he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder._

_She didn’t answer. Didn’t need to. She turned over to face him, burrowing herself in his warm embrace._

_“I don’t want you to hate yourself in the morning.” he told her. “I can’t stand the thought of me causing you in pain. I should have stopped things.”_

_Her lips on his silence his. “Please don’t apologize.” she whispered. “Just hold me.” She knew she had started something she shouldn’t have. Something she couldn’t stop now._

_“I’m here for you. Always.”_

/////

_She stood at the entrance to his study. Leaning up against the jamb. Arms folded across her chest. “I want a divorce.”_

_They had their fair share of blow-ups but the calm and collective way divorce rolled off her tongue frightened him. She called played this hand before. Often screaming it at the top of her lungs. Or even pleading for one through gut wrenching sobs. This time it was different though. This time she was indifferent and this time she meant it._

_“Why?”_

_“Because he’s the better man.” she said, simply. “He doesn’t lie and he doesn’t cheat. And above everything else he doesn’t treat me as an afterthought.”_

_Bill hung his head. He knew that no matter what he said, how he begged and pleaded he would never say the right things to get through to her. He only hoped he could get through to her a different way. He rose from his chair and walked over to where she was._

_“You really want to divorce me?”_

_She didn’t back down. “Yes.” she answered. “He makes me happy. And you make me miserable.”_

_“You can’t leave me Hillary.” he said, evenly. “We’ve come too far to give up now. And you know how much I love you. You love me, too.”_

_“I love him.”_

_“I’m not doubting that.” he wanted to appeal to him in another way. He loved her immensely and would do anything to keep her. “I’m going to run for President in two years. I need you there with me. I cannot do this without you.”_

_She stood seemingly unaffected._

_“You can keep seeing him.” he offered up. He was desperate that this point. Anything to buy him time to win her back completely. He knew that if he could remain faithful to her this wouldn’t have happened. There was no doubt in his mind that he was the responsible party. For his infidelities and for hers. “But no divorce.”_

_They had continued the battle for years to come. Her seeking him out for solace when everything got too much and then pushing him away when things were sunnier in her marriage. But never completely letting either Bill or Lance go. What started as payback turned into something much more. And that’s the part she would always regret. Letting someone into her heart, a place only Bill should have been._

/////

_Everything came to a crashing halt two months before Bill announced his bid for presidency._

_Hillary had left Lance in his bed, tangled up in white cotton sheets. For the longest time she stood and watched him sleep. The sun was beginning to rise and she knew her time was almost up. Their time was almost up. She wiped her tears and walked out. Out of the room, one step at a time, until she made it completely out of the house._

_She cried all the way home, mourning absolutely everything that would never be. And by the time she got back to the Governor’s Mansion her eyes were dry, her head was held up, she had a redefined purpose. It was the moment she held so much hope that together she and Bill would flourish politically, heal emotionally, and nothing would ever be the same._

_Hillary sat down on the bed, facing Bill. “It’s over.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

_“This is going to be a fresh start for us.”_

/////

Bill reached out for her. “Thank you for coming Nancy.” His strong arms enveloped her small frame in an almost like bearlike embrace.

“I couldn’t get here fast enough.” she said, pulling back. “How is she?”

“Sleeping for now.” he replied. “She keeps having nightmares or maybe memories. I don’t know. She wakes up in a cold sweat, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming.”

“Have you been staying with her?”

“I’ve been sleeping in the bedroom on the sofa.” he confessed. “She’s so fragile and I’m afraid to say or do the wrong thing. I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Did you have the doctor give her anything to help calm her down? Or maybe just to help her get a good rest?”

Bill shook his head, fresh tears springing forth in his eyes. “She can’t have anything.” his words were soft, sad. “She’s um…Hillary’s pregnant.”

“Oh, Bill.” Nancy gasped. “Oh my God.”

“Yeah.” he breathed out. “She’s been so sick this past week but she decided to go tell Lance yesterday morning. He told her he needed time to think and then…” he trailed off. “I tried to convince her not to tell him, but she said she couldn’t keep it from him.”

Nancy’s heart tightened in her chest. “I know that Hillary has been on a bit of a rampage, but she didn’t deserve this. Nobody deserves this, Bill.”

“I know and there’s no way I can fix this for her.” he cried. “After everything that happened with Monica that started this whole damn mess…and now Lance is dead. I can barely look her in the eyes without crying. The guilt is eating me alive.”

“Now isn’t the time to pull away. Hillary needs you.” she told him. “She won’t be able to get through this without you. If the two of you stand a chance together then you have to face this together, heal together.”

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes.” he replied. “Anything.”

“Does she know that?” she asked. “Because you need to tell her. And keep telling her. Tell her that you love her, she needs to hear it and you need to say it and feel it.”

Bill ran a hand through his hair. “I just want to get her through this.” he said. “I told her I would be there for her and the baby the moment she told me. I just didn’t expect it to turn out like this.”

“Nobody could have known.” she gently rubbed his arm. “I’d like to see her if she’s awake.”

“Of course.”

/////

Nancy pushed the bedroom door open to find Hillary standing by the window, looking out onto the lawn. “Up for company?”

Hillary turned to face her, a fleeting smile falling over her features. “Always for you.” The distance between them dissipated and they embraced in an all-consuming hug.

“I’m sorry, love.” she whispered. “I’m sorry you have to go through all this. It’s so unfair.”

“Thank you.” she said, softly. “Life has never been fair though. That’s something I learned many years ago.”

Nancy pulled back to look at her. “Come sit.” she took her hand and led them to the sitting area. “We can talk about whatever you want. Or we can just sit in silence.”

Hillary sat down beside Nancy, her body immediately seeking out the comfort she was offering. “I’m so exhausted.” she rested her head on her friend’s shoulder. “This entire thing has been a nightmare.”

“The best thing you can do is just let it hurt.” she gently stroked blonde tresses, hoping to soothe her. “We can’t heal until things have been properly cleansed.”

“I feel like I’m just going through the motions.” she admitted. “And Bill, I’ve hurt him so badly, but he won’t give up.”

“He loves you very much despite the mistakes he’s made.” she told her. “He’s carrying around this huge sense of guilt. He thinks he set this entire thing into motion.”

“We’ve both done our fair share of damage this time, but I’ve learned that fate doesn’t care who you are. It gets you either way.”

She pressed a kiss into blonde hair. “Bill told me about the baby.”

Hillary sighed. “I don’t know how to feel about this baby.” she confessed. “Especially now.”

“One day at a time, love. One hour at a time if need be.” she encouraged her. “Things will work out the way they’re supposed to. Even if we don’t think so at the time. And let Bill help you through this. He’s made his mistakes and you’ve made yours. I know how deeply the two of you love each other and you have to hang onto that, Hillary.”

////

Bill looked up from his bowl of soup. “Hey, baby.” he pulled the chair out for her. “Hungry?”

“A little.” she sat down. “Smells good.”

“Here, take mine.” he pushed his bowl over to her. “It’s already cooled down.”

“Thank you.”

He got up and grabbed another bowl from the cabinet, ladling a few scoops of soup into it and grabbing another spoon. “Did you get some rest?”

“I tried.” she took a bite of soup. “Did you make this?”

He sat back down. “Well that depends on how good it is.”

Hillary smiled. “It’s delicious.”

“Then the answer is yes.”

“The peas gave it away.” she told him. “You’re the only one I know who has ever put peas in chicken noodle soup. Well, you and Virginia.”

He reached across the table for her hand, grasping it tightly, his thumb stroking the back of it. “I love you.”

Hillary quietly ate a few more bites of soup. The fog of the past twenty-four hours was starting to lift a little. She had grieved and would continue to do so. But she was beginning to see more clearly now.

“I love you too.” it was barely above a whisper but she had said it. And meant it.

 

tbc….


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What an awful day! Oh but our girl shined so bright!

Seven Devils

 

Panic befell her. And then absolute terror. Something wasn’t right. Something just didn’t feel right. It was in the bathroom that she discovered she was bleeding. She momentarily frozen by fear. Everything inside of her was already tight like a coil. This could not be happening. Not now. Not after everything else. Lance had only been gone two weeks. 

“Bill?” she called out to him from the bedroom. 

He sat up, groggily, upon hearing the panic in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m bleeding.” her voice broke. 

Bill sprung up and toward her. His hand immediately resting over her stomach. “Just relax.” he told her. “I’ll get the doctor.”

She inhaled sharply when a pain started to radiate in her lower abdomen. “Something’s wrong, Bill.”

“I’m going to get Connie, okay?” he said. “Let’s just try to stay calm until we know what’s going on.”

//////

Dr. Mariano stepped out into the small hallway with the President. She softly closed the door to the master bedroom behind her. “She’s losing the pregnancy.” her voice was soft. “Sometimes these things just happen and we don’t know why.”

Bill felt as if he had been punched in the gut. They were making such progress. She was making such progress. “What’s going to happen to her?” He was a factual person. He wanted to have all the information, wanted to know what to expect. 

“She’s cramping, the placenta is working its way lose from her uterus. She’ll lose blood, I don’t know how much, and tissue. Eventually the fetus will expel itself.” she explained to him. “I’ve encouraged her to let it be taken care of medically, but she wants it to happen naturally.”

“Is that safe?”

“Yes.” she replied. “But at any time she feels something is wrong I need to know. I can step in and intervene. I understand why she wants to do this. I just want her to be safe.”

“She’s in pain even if she won’t admit it.” he said. “How long will this take?”

“Hours, days. There’s really no way to know at this point.” she told him. “I’ve left her some painkillers and some muscle relaxers. If it isn’t enough I can come back and start an I.V drip of morphine. This will be emotionally scarring, it doesn’t have to be physically as well.”

Bill re-entered the bedroom to find her lying in bed, facing the window. He gently sat down on the bed next to her. “Can I get you anything?”

The stinging loss of Lance was still rushing through her veins. And now her baby on top of it. It was too much. She was shutting him out again. Going to that place inside herself where no one else dare enter. “No.”

“Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No.”

“You don’t have to go through this alone.” he told her. She was a glutton for punishment and he knew that she felt that she deserved what was happening. Her miscarriage was the cost of her infidelity. Innocence was paying the ultimate price for her transgressions.

“Please, Bill.” she closed her eyes tightly. “I just want to be alone.” Her body cramped and she held tightly to it, wrapping her arms around her midsection. Hoping against hope that she didn’t cry out in pain. Not in front of him. 

“At least take something.” he said. “You don’t have to be in pain.”

“I want to do this naturally.”

His heart broke. “Okay.” he relented He knew that giving her space right now was the best thing he could do for her. She would reach out when she was ready. “Promise me you’ll call me if you need anything?” he didn’t get a response. “Hillary? Please?”

“Okay.” she finally agreed. 

“I’ll be in the Oval.” he gently patted her leg and then got up, making his way out of the bedroom. He turned at the threshold and gave her one last look. “I love you.”

She choked back a sob. “I love you, too.”

////

The doctor had come back to check on her a few times throughout the day. Mainly she had just slept when the cramping wasn’t so bad. They were almost like contractions and would pull her out of her sleep. Bill had been up every few hours to check on her. Sometimes they spoke, sometimes he just watched her sleep from the doorway. 

It was mid-evening when she called him in the Oval. He was upstairs in a matter of minutes. He had practically sprinted. “Hils?” he closed the bedroom door and was immediately at her side. “What’s going on?”

The cramping had gotten so bad that she couldn’t move when they hit her. “I need you.” tears streamed down her face. 

“I’m here, I’m right here.” he picked up the various pill bottles on the bedside table, searching for the painkiller. He popped the top and shook two into his hand. “Here, take these.”

She groaned in protest. 

He turned her over slightly. “I understand that you want to do this on your own, but at least take these. Please.” he begged. “If not I’ll call the doctor back up here.”

Hillary reluctantly opened her mouth and he placed the pills inside. He reached for the cup of water on the night side table, helping her sit up so that she could take a drink. “Thank you.”

He helped her lay back in the bed. “I hate to see you in pain.” he brushed stray blonde tresses away from her face. “Tell me what you need.”

“You’ve already done too much.”

“In more ways than one.” he uttered, more to himself than to her. “Have you eaten? Are you hungry?”

“I’m too nauseous to eat.” her hand when to her stomach and she bit back a cry. She turned over onto her side away from him. “I just want to lay here.”

“Can I lay with you?”

Defenses sprang forward. “Why?” she asked. “Why would you want to be anywhere near me after everything that’s happened? You should be happy that it’s come to this.”

He pulled at her shoulder, turning her back over to look at him. “This baby is a part of you and in case you’ve forgotten I love you very much.” he told her. “The baby is the most innocent part in this whole damn mess.”

“Was.” she corrected. “It’s dying inside of me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I feel like such a failure.”

“You haven’t failed, Hillary.” his voice was firm. “Your body betrayed you, there’s a big difference. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cause this. I know you would like to think that you set it all into motion but you know deep down that’s just not the way it works.”

“You can lay here with me.” she said, softly. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He slipped off his shoes and went around to his side of the bed, what used to be his side, and laid down next to her. “I’m sorry, love.” he whispered. “For everything. Monica and Lance and the baby.”

“I’m sorry too.” she replied. “We’ve made such a huge mess of things.”

“We’ll get through it.” 

“Nothing will ever be the same, Bill.”

He sighed his agreement. “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

“I’m tired.” 

“Sleep.” he said, simply. “I’ll be right here the whole time.”

 

tbc….


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's one update. I'm going to attempt to work on Woods. The good news is I know where I'm taking the story now. :) My writing time got cut short today having to clean up after a sick kid (yuck!) But I have about an hour and half now if I can get motivated.

Seven Devils

 

His heart clenched, his stomach somersaulted, and he knew his pallor was sheer white. But he held it together. Held it together for her. Because she needed him and he would be damned before he failed her this time. He woke up to the sound of her painful, panic-stricken screams. And the blood. He had never seen so much blood in his entire life. 

He led her into the bathroom, helped her undress, wanting to get her blood-soaked pajamas off of her as quickly as possible. He held onto her tightly as he leaned in and turned the shower on, never letting her go as he waited for the water to warm up. 

And she cried. Oh, how she cried. Deep, heavy, gut wrenching sobs that took her breath. And broke his heart. “I’m here.” he whispered to her. “You’re not alone. I’m right here with you.”  
He held his hand out again, letting the water hit the palm of his hand. Ever so carefully he helped her inside, but she immediately reached out for him. “I don’t think I can…”

“Okay.” he quickly started undressing and then stepped into the shower behind her. “Come here.” he drew her into his arms. “I’ve got you.”

The warm water of the shower rushed over them. He held her tightly to him, partly to hold her up, partly to shield her. The water ran red off of her only to slowly turn into pink as it washed down the shower floor toward the drain. His hands caressed up and down her back in a soothing motion. 

“I love you.” he murmured again and again into her ear. 

“I just want this to be over.” she cried against his chest. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

He stroked wet hair. “Tell me what you need. I’ll do anything you ask. Anything.”

“Hold me.” 

“Always.” he said. “I’ll never let you go again.”

They stood there in the shower until they felt as though they had been cleansed. Not only physically but emotionally as well. All their transgressions washing off their bodies with scented soap and swirling down the drain. 

He wrapped a towel around his waist and then held one open for her. She stepped out into his embrace. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Dizzy?”

“No.” she replied. “A little lightheaded.”

“Would you be okay to lay down in the dressing room?” he asked. “I need to call Connie and then clean everything…” his voice trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud. 

“Yes, that’s fine.”

Bill had helped Hillary into the dressing room where she could get situated. He closed the door firmly behind him and made his way back to the master. He paused at the doorway. It was almost as if he could smell the sickening cooper scent of blood. The entire thing threatening to play out before him again. After a deep breath he made his way inside. He wanted to get everything cleaned up before she came back in. 

The first thing he did was call the doctor and then he stripped the bed completely down to the mattress. He shuffled through the kitchen cabinets until he came across the trash bags. Taking them back to the bedroom he stuffed all the linens down inside, tying them up as tight as he could. Trying to shut out as much as the physical evidence as he could. 

He had just finished getting the sheets back on the bed when there was a knock on the door. Connie was on the other side. 

“Mr. President.” she smiled, sadly. 

“Come on, Dr. Mariano.” he closed the door behind her. “Thank you for coming.”

“How is Mrs. Clinton?”

“She’s resting in the dressing room.” he told her. “I wanted to get everything cleaned up before she came back in here.”

The doctor nodded in understanding. “The fetus?”

Bill almost cringed at the word. It was a baby. His wife’s baby. He had held it in his hand. Carefully tucked it inside the container, saying a small prayer before closing the lid. “In the bathroom.” 

“I need to check and see if everything is complete.” she told him. “I won’t disturb Mrs. Clinton if I don’t have to. I will have to see her in the next two days though.”

He nodded in understanding. As the doctor left the room he went back to making up the bed. He wanted everything to be as close to normal as he could get it before he brought her back in. The only thing on his mind was wrapping her up in his arms and holding her there until all their tears had dried. 

The linens were sent out to the garage along with her pajamas. The less people that knew about it the better. He knew she wouldn’t be able to bear the sad looks and the apologies on her loss. Shielding her from as much pain as possible was his number one priority.

The doctor re-entered the room. “Mr. President.” she said. “Everything looks complete. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call. Anytime.”

“Thank you.”

Bill gave the room one last look to make sure everything was in its place. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Bogging down his feelings and his nerves. 

“Hillary.” he called out softly as he entered the dressing room. “Love?”

She was curled up on the sofa. “I’m so tired, Bill.” 

“Let’s get you into bed.” he reached for her hand. “Can you walk?”

“I think so.” she moved to sit up and dizziness overcame her, her hand gripping the arm of the sofa. “No.” 

Bill reached for her. “I’ll carry you.” he lifted her up into his arms and carried her into their bedroom.

“Bill?”

“Yes, love?”

“Please don’t leave me.” she whispered. “I need you.”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I need you too.”

 

tbc…


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went from struggling to pounding this chapter out in about thirty minutes, Thank God! This is my accomplishment this morning after struggling with the Keurig and breaking my evil queen mug :( Not to mention that my husband has a cold and thinks he's on his death bed. Ugh, men!

Seven Devils

 

 

Sleep came easy for Hillary. Both her body and her mind were exhausted. Bill had given her a few more painkillers when he brought her to bed. He had held her safely in his arms until she fell asleep, gently stroking her hair, whispering how much he loved her.

He watched her as she slept. The steady rise and fall of her chest comforting him after the past twenty-four hours of hell she had been through. All their wounds were open and bloody and it would take the both of them together to suture them. Healing though, that would be the real test. Putting back together what was so roughly torn apart.

Bill took one last look at her and then carefully slipped out of bed and out of the master bedroom. He needed a drink to calm his nerves, to rebuild his strength. It was petty, he knew it was. He knew he should be able to handle things on his own but he needed a little help, a little courage to help him get her through everything.

He stood in the dark of the kitchen and poured himself a half of glass of scotch. The amber liquid warming the back of his throat as he swallowed. He quickly took another drink, trying to scorch the memory of his strong wife in agony from his mind. Her crying still rang in his ears and everything he closed his eyes he could see the blood, the tiny but fully formed baby, the utter desperation in her eyes.

If only he wouldn’t have cheated. If only he had been stronger and fought his urges. If only he would have come to her after the first time it happened. He pushed her to Lance both in the past and in the present. And he knew that she loved Lance, different than she loved him, but she did love him.

/////

_Bill’s eyes were drawn to them from across the room. It all looked innocent enough. Two colleagues laughing and socializing with guests at the Governor’s Ball. Everyone thought that Hillary and Lance had a wonderful friendship, that they were equals and were both fighting so hard for their causes._

_But he knew better. He knew that Lance’s hand on the small of her back sent a heat radiating throughout her body, a heat that settled heavily between her thighs. The way she leaned into him as she spoke, the way her head tipped back with laughter. Lance made her laugh so easily, another thing that cut Bill to his very core. Everything about the two of them was so in sync and it made him green with envy._

_It was when they disappeared that his curiosity peaked. He excused himself from conversation and made his way down the hallway and toward his private study, the doors were drawn closed but he knew they were in there._

_Lance’s hands settled on her hips. “You look absolutely gorgeous.” he told her. “Purple is definitely your color.”_

_Hillary laughed, low and sexy. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”_

_“Are you having a good time?”_

_“It’s better now.” she closed in the distance between them, her lips softly meeting his._

_Bill closed his eyes at the silence. He knew exactly what was going on between them. Lance was holding her in his arms, he was sure of it. Her full lips were teasing his, her hands running up and down his chest. After several long moments of silence he heard her speak._

_“I love you.” her voice was almost breathless and it broke Bill’s heart._

_Lance smiled. “I love you, too.” he licked over his bottom lip. “Can you get away for a little while tomorrow?”_

_“Possibly.” she replied. “What did you have in mind?”_

_“Picnic at the lake.”_

_“How could I possibly turn down such a romantic gesture?”_

_Lance leaned forward and kissed her softly. “You can’t.”_

_Bill’s heart clenched in his chest and he walked away, back down the hallway, and back into the party. He busied himself with the other people in the room, talking about politics and sports and smiling sadly whenever someone brought up his wife and her tremendous contributions to his administration. But his eyes immediately fell on them when they re-entered the room. And for the first time he noticed how well they fit together. Matching blonde hair, her feminine shape next to his muscular one. Two sets of sparkling blue eyes, how in sync with each other they were. How damn good they looked together, like two puzzle pieces, like Ken and Barbie. His handsomeness only making her more beautiful. And it was in that moment that he knew he was in trouble. That his wife was exactly where she wanted to be. That he should free her and let her live happily ever after with the man she deserved._

////

Bill sat the empty glass back down on the kitchen counter and refilled it. The sloshing liquid the only thing cutting the dark silence in the room. If only he would have let her go back in Arkansas. If only he could have been unselfish enough to give her up and let her live in peace and happiness. And that’s what ate at him the most. Knowing he could have prevented all the chaos and pain if only he had been strong enough to admit defeat.

He drank down the entire contents of the glass in two swallows. Tears tracked down his face and he wasn’t even sure when he had started crying. He just knew that the release of emotions helped ease the pain a little. He sank down onto the floor, leaning back against the cabinets, the tile cold through his thin pajama bottoms.

Nancy stopped in the doorway. She had come to check on Hillary when she heard noises coming from the kitchen. “Bill?”

He never even looked up, he just reached his hand out for her. She made her way to him and lowered herself to the floor next to him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him to her. “It’s okay.” she soothed him. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Hillary lost the baby.”

“I know.” she replied, softly.

“She was so small and so innocent. She was perfect.” he could no longer hold his tears back. “I held her in my hand and my heart broke.”

Hot tears fell down Nancy’s face. “It isn’t fair.” she told him. “And we’ll never know why it happened, we just have to believe that God knows what he’s doing.”

“I don’t know.” he sighed. “Hillary doesn’t deserve this, any of this. I’ve made her life so hard and she deserves so much better.” He sunk down further on the floor, his head resting in her lap.

Nancy gently stroked his hair. “Life is never fair, Bill.” she told him. “We just have to make the best of it. The two of you have both made your share of mistakes. But now you have an opportunity to learn from them. To heal and forgive and move forward together.”

“I feel so guilty.”

“I’m sure Hils does as well.” she continued lightly stroking his graying hair. “Make something good out of losing the baby. Let her innocence breathe new life into the two of you. Try and heal for her.”

 

tbc…


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on all my stuff. My allergies have been horrible this past week and I've spent the last two days catching up on work and home things. Hopefully this is one of three posts coming in the next 24 hours.

Seven Devils

 

Bill laid down beside Hillary, careful not to wake her. She had been sleeping most of the day and the doctor assured him it was really the best thing for her. Her body was healing and regaining strength so the more she was able to rest the better it was for her. He couldn’t help it though the need to touch her won over and he reached out for her face, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“Mmm.” she sighed, eye still tightly closed. “Bill?”

“Yes, love?”

“What time is it?”

“Almost six o’clock.” he told her, glancing at the clock behind her. “How do you feel?”

Hillary burrowed further into his embrace and he wrapped his arm around her. “Less tired.” she replied. “Things quiet downstairs?”

“I haven’t been down.” he told her. “I couldn’t leave you.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “I would have been fine.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t have been.” he whispered. “I’d much rather be here in case you need me.”

Pangs of guilt flooded her. “I’m sorry, Bill.” she said, softly. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“Please stop apologizing. I hurt you and you sought comfort. You have absolutely no reason to apologize or feel guilty for anything.” he assured her. “I set all this into motion.”

“I have to take responsibility for my part in all this. I got pregnant with someone else’s baby.” she said. “I know how much that hurt you because it hurt me too.”

He pressed a kiss into her hair. “It’s not like you purposely got pregnant.” he told her. “And had things been different I would have treated her no differently than Chelsea. I would have loved her just the same.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

“I mean it.”

“I know you do.” she told him. “You’ve been amazing through all of this.”

“No, I haven’t.” he replied, honestly. “I started this entire avalanche and I’ll never forgive myself for everything that’s happened.”

“If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this entire mess, it’s that you can’t erase the past. You can’t shut it out and pretend like it doesn’t exist. You can only heal when you accept what happened.” she explained. “I’ve accepted what’s happened with Lance and Monica and my baby and I know it’s going to be difficult but I have to move on, I want to move on. I want to heal. I want us to heal.”

“We can’t do it alone this time, Hillary.” he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “We’re going to need professional help.”

“I know that.” she agreed. “We need individual and marriage counselling.”

Bill reached for her hand, interlacing their fingers. “I just want you to be okay.” he said. “And I’ll do whatever it is that you need me to do. Anything.”

“I just want you to be here.” she whispered. “I just want you to hold me and promise me that everything is going to be alright. Even if it’s not.”

“It’s going to be okay.” he told her and he really believed that it would be. “You’ve always been the strong one, the one to hold everything together, but now it’s my turn. I’m not going to let you down, Hillary. Not this time and not ever again.”

Hillary leaned in, softly kissing his lips. “I know we have a long road ahead of us and that so much as changed…”

“I love you so much.” he interrupted her. “We’re going to come out on the other side of this, I know we are.”

“If they’re anyone who could do it, it’s us.”

“I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you, baby.” he said, softly. “Sometimes that’s all it seems like the only thing I’ve done is hurt you.”

“We both know that’s not true.” she wiped the tears from his face. “I’ve hurt you too. At first it was just revenge, I just wanted to feel justified, like we were somehow even. The first fling felt good. I felt vindicated. But by the third one I felt dirty and even worse than I did before I started it.”

“Until Lance?”

Hillary had never been completely honest with him about Lance. She had never really felt the need. “I didn’t go looking to start anything with Lance.” she confessed. “It just sort of happened, it progressed, I didn’t seek him out. And before I knew it I had feelings for him. He was there for me, he made me laugh, he made me happy. I never meant to let him in my heart, he just found his way in.” tears dripped from the corners of her eyes. “And now he’s gone and I don’t have any real closure.”

Bill wiped away her tears. “He loved you, Hillary.” he said softly. “I know he did. I saw it in the way he looked at you. He had plenty of opportunity to boast to me or to start something but he never did because of you. Lance respected you and he loved you. He was caught off guard by the pregnancy but there’s no doubt in my mind that he would have come back here and stood by your side. And I would have let him. Because he was a good man."

“I never meant to love him.” she whispered. “And for that I’ve never been able to forgive myself for. After everything that’s happened these past few months I feel like things have finally come to a head. I feel like we’ve been broken down and we have a real chance to start over.”

“I’m going to be a better man for you Hilary, but for me too.” he told her. “I’m one who is fucked up inside, I’m the one trying and failing to fight my demons. I never meant to drag you down with me. It’s my deepest regret.”

“I know you didn’t and I know that while yes you are responsible for your actions, you’re not to blame for what happened when you were a kid, Bill. You did the very best you could in an impossible situation.” her voice was loving and soothing. “We do need help to sort all this out. Get to the root of everything so we don’t keep making the same mistakes. To do better we have to know and understand better.”

_**Bill was standing before her, holding out his hand to her. “Hillary?” he smiled, slightly. “Ready, love?”** _

_**Her attention was brought back to present. “Yes.” she slipped her hand into his and rose to her feet. “I’m ready.”** _

_**Together, hand in hand, they made their way into the private study. Dr. Wyman stood at the entrance and welcomed them in. He carefully closed the door behind them.** _

_**Bill held her hand in his. “So, where do we start?”** _

_**“From the beginning, of course.” Dr. Wyman replied. “We must start from the ground up. Anything else would be counterproductive. The goal is to heal and be able to move forward into the present without a cloud of doom hanging overhead. Now, who wants to go first?”** _

-Finished


End file.
